the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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