Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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