I can tuck mytits in my pants
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
