Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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