drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize