im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
