And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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