I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
