I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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