i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
