Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
