I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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