11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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