I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
