people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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