cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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