Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
