It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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