dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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