its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
