why didn't you poke me back
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
