Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize