i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
