tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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