Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
