just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
