Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize