she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
