Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Farmville is her only friend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
