I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
