He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
