I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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