You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
