I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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