I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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