I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
