i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
