Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
