so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
