you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
