I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
