Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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