i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
