I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
