why didn't you poke me back
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
