Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
