I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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