Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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