I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
