I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
