have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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