If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am naked and annoyed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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