If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
