weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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