Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
