I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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