I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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