She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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