I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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