i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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