Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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