By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize