do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
