whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
