your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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