I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
