Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
