his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
