Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize