Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize