At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
