he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
