maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
