Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
