maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
