dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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