ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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