Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
