i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
