I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
