I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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