the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
