i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
