dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
