Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
