Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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