Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she peed on how many people?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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