My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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