Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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