After last night, I could never be a politician.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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