yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
