do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
