fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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