You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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