thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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