Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
