I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
