Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize