ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
