david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
