I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
